I'm in a freefall.

　

It was raining and a little bit cold on the day when I had a terrible surgery that I didn't want to have again.
I cried on the day when Doctor told me I needed have the surgery also on the day when I had
the surgery since I was scared. I couldn't have a good sleep.
I went to the hospital wearing a cap that I didn’t want people to see my face.
I lay on the bed at the room divided by a curtain before the surgery, I don’t know exactly why but I couldn’t stop crying.
There was a woman who had a surgery, too next to my bed.
She seemed to have the surgery for the first time and she asked something cheerfully to the nurse. After a while the nurse called her and she went into the operation room.
And then she got back to the bed.
She talked to the nurse cheerfully but I heard she cried after the surgery.
Doctor who operated was an old man and used to operating. He was very kind to me.
He said “ I’m sorry. But I’ll do it well and it won’t hurt. “ to me because I went into the operation room crying.
The nurse put her hand on my chest during the surgery and I was encouraged.
Her hand was warm and if she hadn’t put her hand on my chest, I would’n’ve stood the pain.
I thought the same thing when I had the surgery last time.
I felt devastated on the day.
I didn’t see bright hope in life and I wasn’t moved at anything.
Reading a traveling essay written by Haruki Murakami, I couldn’t tell anything at all.